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BATTERERS
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BATTERED MATES
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CHILDREN
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Batterers are found in all socioeconomic, educational, ethnic, racial and age groups.
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Battered mates are found in all socioeconomic, educational, ethnic, racial and age groups.
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Children are found in all socioeconomic, educational, ethnic, racial and age groups.
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...use psychological, verbal and physical abuse, including sexual abuse.
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...are psychologically, verbally and physically abused. Are frequently sexually abused.
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...are psychologically abused and may be verbally, physically and sexually abused.
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...engage in excessive minimization and denial.
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...engage in excessive minimization and denial.
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...engage in excessive minimization and denial.
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The batterer is characterized by
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The battered mate is characterized by
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Children in violent homes are characterized by
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...poor impulse control—limited tolerance for frustration, explosive temper—rage. Constantly demonstrating, but often successfully masking, anger.
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...long-suffering, martyrlike endurance of frustration, passive acceptance, internalizing anger.
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...a combination of limited tolerance for frustration, poor impulse control and martyrlike long-suffering—they externalize/internalize anger.
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...stress disorders and psychosomatic complaints: sophistication of symptoms and success at masking dysfunction vary with social and educational levels.
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...stress disorders and psychosomatic complaints.
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...sadness, depression, stress disorders and psychosomatic complaints: absences from school, pre-delinquent and delinquent behaviour.
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...emotional dependency—subject to secret depressions known only to family.
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...economic and emotional dependency, subject to depression, high risk for secret drugs and alcohol, home accidents.
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...economic and emotional dependency, high risk for alcohol/drugs, sexual acting out, running away, isolation, loneliness and fear.
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...limited capacity for delayed reinforcement—very "now" oriented.
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...unlimited patience for discovery of "magic combination" in solving marital and abusive problems—"travels miles" on tiny bits of reinforcement.
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...combination of poor impulse control and continual hopefulness that situation will improve.
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...insatiable ego needs and qualities of childlike narcissism (not generally detectable to people outside family group).
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...being unsure of own ego needs, defining self in terms of partner, children, family, job.
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...very shaky definition of self—grappling with childlike responses of parents for modeling; poor definition of self and/or defines self in parenting role (role reversal).
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...low self-esteem; perceived unachieved ideals and goals for self, disappointment in career, even if successful by others' standards.
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...low self-esteem, continued faith and hope that battering mate will get "lucky" break.
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...low self-esteem, seeing self and siblings with few options or expectations to succeed.
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...qualities which suggest great potential for change and improvement; i.e., makes frequent "promises" for the future.
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...unrealistic hope that change is imminent, belief in "promises."
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...mixture of hope/depression that there is no way out; peer group can be most important contact, if available.
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...perception of self as having poor social skills; describing relationship with mate as closest ever known; remaining in contact with own family.
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...gradually increasing social isolation including loss of contact with own family and friends.
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...increased social isolation, increased peer isolation or complete identification with peers. Poor social skills.
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...accusations against mate, jealousy, voicing great fear of abandonment or "being cheated on," possessive, controlling, hovering.
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...inability to convince partner of loyalty, futilely guarding against accusations of "seductive" behavior toward others; compliant, helpless and powerless.
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...bargaining behavior with parents; attempts to prove self; compliant, but may run away. Feelings of powerlessness.
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The batterer is characterized by
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The battered mate is characterized by
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Children in violent homes are characterized by
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...tearfulness that partner and/or children will abandon, fear of being alone.
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...constant fear. which gradually becomes cumulative and oppressive with time.
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...constant fear and terror for their life as well as parents'; confusion and insecurity.
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...containment of mate and employment of espionage tactics against her (e.g., checks mileage/times errands); cleverness depends on level of sophistication.
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...helplessly allowing containment or confinement/restriction by mate mistakenly interpreted as sign that partner "cares."
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...increasing deceptiveness: lying, excuses for outings, stealing, cheating.
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...violating others' personal boundaries; accepts no blame for failures (marital, familial, or occupational) or for violent acts.
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...gradually losing sight of personal boundaries for self and children (unable to assess danger accurately), accepts all blame.
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...poor definition of personal boundaries, violation of others' personal boundaries, accepting blame or projecting blame.
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...belief that forcible behavior is aimed at securing the family nucleus ("for the good of the family").
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...belief that transient acceptance of violent behavior will ultimately lead to long term resolution of family problems.
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...little or no understanding of the dynamics of violence; often assumes violence to be the norm.
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...absence of guilt on an emotional level even after intellectual recognition.
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...emotional acceptance of guilt for mate's behavior, thinking mate "can't help it," considering own behavior as provocative.
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...self-blame (depending on age) for family feuding, separations, divorce, & internal conflicts.
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...generational history of abuse.
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...generational history of witnessing abuse in family and/or being abused.
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...continuation of abuse pattern in adult life.
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...frequently participating in pecking order battering.
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...occasionally participating in pecking order battering.
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...frequently participating in pecking order battering (maim or kill animals, batter siblings): sometmes batters parents in later years.
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...assaultive skills which improve with age and experience (increase in danger potential and lethality risks to family members over time).
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..."creative" behavior which either diverts or precipitates mate's violence; but level of carelessness increases (judgment of lethality potential deteriorates) over time.
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...poor problem-solving skills: may use violence as problem-solving technique in school, with peers, with family (appears as early as pre-school) demonstrates aggression or passivity.
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...demanding and oftentimes assaultive role in sexual activities: sometimes punishes w/abstinence, at times experiences impotence.
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...poor sexual self-image, assuming that role is total acceptance of partner's sexual behavior. Attempts at abstinence result in further abuse.
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...poor sexual image, uncertainty about appropriate behavior, confused model identification, immaturity in peer relationships.
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...increasingly assaultive behavior when mate is pregnant—pregnancy often marks the first assault.
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...being at high risk for assaults during pregnancy.
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...being at higher risk for assaults (either as witnesses or victims) during mother's pregnancy.
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...exerting control over mate by threatening homicide and/or suicide...often attempts one or both when partners separate—known to complete either or both.
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...frequent contemplation of suicide—history of minor attempts, occasionally completing suicide or becoming a homicide victim, frequently wishing partner dead. Occasionally completes homicide in self-defense.
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...heightened suicide risks and attempts—increased thoughts of suicide and/or murdering parents, prone to negligence and carelessness.
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...frequently using children as "pawns" and exerting power and control through custody issues.. .may kidnap children or hold them hostage.
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...feeling powerless in custody issues, living in fear children will be "kidnapped," struggling to maintain rights of children.
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...feeling used and powerless in all decisions (age specific) regarding custody issues.
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